So, this is pretty embarrassing for me and I debated even sharing it with you guys. But, since I like to keep it real around here, I figured, what the heck.

Yesterday I ate an entire tub of cool whip, straight out of the tub. AND between Mon & Tuesday, an entire BIG container of TJ's Hummus with lots of different crackers, pretzel sticks & rice cakes as dippers. Like handfuls and handfuls. Plus a few spoonfuls of just peanut butter from the jar.
Now some of you may be thinking I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it actually is.  And then there's probably some of you that are disgusted. Either way, I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself. Yes, it could have been worse.  It could have been the entire jar of peanut butter [that was next], or the entire box of pasta, but the fact that it was an entire jar, box, bag or tub of anything is the problem. And the only reason it wasn't something "worse" [doritos anyone?] is b/c for the most part, I don't keep foods in the house that I'm likely to go to town on.

Binge eating has always been an issue for me. I haven't really touched on it on here very much but it's definitely something I've struggled with for years. I'm a long time member of the clean plate club. Still am. But now I've just learned to put less on my plate. I can remember binges as a kid. Eating an entire bag of fritos dipped in an entire tub of pub cheese. Loads of mayo on everything. Always eating until there was no more left or until I felt sick. Usually both.

And the trigger foods. I have many. Peanut butter, chocolate, cool whip [now], trail mix, & mayo are the most recent ones. And by most recent I mean ones that I typically keep in the house. It's tough, if it were just me, I wouldn't buy them. But it's not. I have a family who likes mayo on their sandwiches, an occasional handful of trail mix and kids that enjoy PB&J sandwiches. So I try the everything in moderation route but it doesn't always work. Clearly.


Why can't I just control myself? Why do I need to eat in excess? Why isn't the correct portion size enough for me? Why am I a food addict?
It's obviously something I'll deal with for the rest of my life. And I am. And I don't let this happen to often, so I think I'm doing fairly well with it. The most important part is to not let it snowball into days/weeks/months of binges like it has in the past. I'm over that. I'm good to just "start fresh" and look at today as "a new day". And that's what I'm doing.


Today I feel good. In control, whereas yesterday I didn't. Today is my new day. Hope yours is good too!

   

I've been having to remind myself a lot this week that losing weight is about 70%-80% diet and 20%-30% exercise. I can't tell you how many meals I've finished thinking I'll just make up for it with extra exercise this week. I haven't been making the best choices this week and it's only Tuesday.

I've been putting so much pressure on myself to walk atleast 5k everyday. Especially since I got the fitbit, [which I LOVE. Review still coming]. And I haven't been concentrating on tracking my food. B/c in my mind, I can eat a little extra here and there b/c it's gonna be worked off later anyways. But that's not how it works, and I know that. Calories in calories out. And I've been eating more calories then I've been burning. And I question why I'm not losing weight? Ha.

So from here out, I'm going to concentrate on one thing: FOOD. B/c that's what's mainly gonna help take the weight off. Tracking, weighing, measuring, making better snack choices. But I'm not saying I'm not going to keep walking. I am. I'm just not going to use it as a crutch anymore. One thing at a time. Baby steps.

SMILE! It's time for breakfast!

Look what I saw on the scale this am:

197 baby! And I barely made it.
Honestly? Honestly I was going to post mid week and say that I retracted my 197 lb goal.  I was struggling all week and had a lot of "ah screw it" moments after bad choices. Which then led to more bad choices. Always does.
But I've been on track with my walking, going every night. And my main meals have been good, it's just the snacking that's been tripping me up.
So overall, I guess you could say I'm on track. I have some room for improvement, which I plan to work on this week. Less snacking. And when I do, smaller portions, less frequent. The usual stuff I need to work on.

I'm losing weight, obvs, but every day is a constant struggle. It's a lot of me knowing what to do to lose weight and then convincing myself to do it. I wonder if eventually it'll become 2nd nature? B/c even after I lost over 100 + lbs, I was still struggling. And It only gets harder once you reach maintenance.
So I'm guessing this is just something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. Which I'm ok with. But it sucks at the same time.
Either way, I know it's worth it. Every time I skip dessert, its worth it. Every time I go for a walk when I really want to bunk of the couch, it's worth it. And every time I don't go back for seconds or eat fruit instead of chips or measure and weigh my portions or order the chicken instead of the pasta at a restaurant, it's worth it. It's all worth it.

Last night I set a pretty big weight loss goal. Lose 50 lbs by April 2013. I've never set a goal like that before. A dated weight loss goal. A lose this amount of weight by this date goal. But I feel like I need it. I need something to work towards. Or else I could go on losing weight for however long and yeah I'll eventually lose it, but when? How long? Why wait?

So April. Why April? Well, we're planning to go to Aruba in April and although I'm more than 50 lbs from my final goal of 140 lbs - 145 lbs, I think it's an attainable goal that will still require me to lose consistently. And what better incentive than to look good on a tropical island in a bathing suit?

And yeah, I'm putting it out there. 50 lbs by April. Do it.

Friday came and went and you may have noticed there was no weigh in post. Yeah. That's b/c I didn't weigh in. Couldn't go to my Friday AM meeting and I wasn't motivated enough to squeeze in the Sat AM meeting. I know I gained and I really didn't want to see 200 on that scale again. Sounds pretty cowardly huh? I know. It is. I should face the scale and all that jazz right?
It's cool though b/c I'm back on track.

Had a fairly active weekend. Spent Sat AM browsing the flea market for treasures. Lots of walking. Was pretty bummed that I lost my fitbit that AM b/c I know I would have had a ton of steps that day. I did wind up finding it that night though in my mountain-o-laundry. It's way too easy to lose that little thing.
Sunday we packed the family up and headed over to the rail trail for a walk. Well, I walked. I pushed Lia in the jogger and walked Bodhi while Adam and Ava biked. Got my 3+ miles in then a short walk after dinner. 13,085 steps for the day. Not bad.

Here's my walking crew from the other day.

I keep cute company don't I?

Eating this weekend was good too. Weekends are typically where I struggle so to have a good one food and activity wise is pretty encouraging.
I'd really like to get further away from 200 lbs sooner than later. Being at 199 lbs doesn't leave much leeway to stay out of the 2's. I'd love to see 197 lbs this week. Totally do-able. Yeah? Yeah!

My walking buddy

Hope ya'll had a good 4th and didn't eat a ton of food like I did yesterday.
I'm weak people. Weak I tell ya. And my game plan didn't go as planned. Let's just say A for effort, F for execution.

Remember that turkey burger I planned on having? I didn't. I had lasagna instead. I know.
And I had way more than 2 of these:

I did have the parfait I planned though, and it was de-lish.

And not bad for you. Strawberries, blueberries, lite cool whip and a little bit of granola for crunch.  Really tasty. I'm thinking this is gonna be my go-to treat for the summer.

And If I had stopped there, they day may not have been so bad food wise.  But then I had cookies, chips, lots of ranch veggie dip, triscuits & rondell cheese [aka crack]. And just like this past weekend, I ended the day feeling disappointed in myself.

The good thing is I'm feeling like this week of binging is out of my system. I had my fun, now back on plan.

Fitbit: Day 1

So far, I'm lovin' this thing. Surpassed my goal of 10,000+ steps on day one yesterday. 13,640. Not bad. It actually would have been more had I not forgotten to wear it to the grocery store. 14,000 today?

On another note, while my walking has been good, my eating still sucks. And it's only gonna get worse with the 4th festivities coming up later today. I have a small game plan for our block party this afternoon though. Turkey burger, salad, fruit parfait for dessert. And only 2 of the deviled eggs I'm making by request.  I'm hoping everyone in the neighborhood gobbles them up before I can get my hands on them.
Must.keep.busy.and.stay.away.from.food.table.

(((sigh)))

I keep telling myself I don't want to see 200 on the scale this week but it's not stopping me from stuffing my face over and over again.


Happy 4th Everyone!

      

I've been wanting a new pedometer for a while now.  The cheap one I previously had was really inaccurate and made that annoying clicking sound whenever you moved.  I hated it and eventually it got buried in no mans land somewhere in my house once I stopped using it.  Junk.

  

Then I started hearing chatter about the fitbit that seemed to be gaining popularity, so I decided to check it out.  Admittedly, I was a bit hesitant to spend $100 on it but the reviews were great and the fact that you don't have to pay for a monthly subscription like some of the other fitness trackers out there was appealing to me. So, I bit the bullet and picked one up yesterday.  Walking has always been my primary source of exercise so I figured it would be a good investment.

  

I started using it yesterday afternoon and this morning and so far, it's pretty cool. And super accurate.  The goal is to get 10,000+ steps/day.  Totally do-able. Should be interesting to see how much I really move throughout the day.  I'm actually pretty excited to start using it daily.  I'm a totally techie and I love gadgets and graphs, numbers, stats, etc so it should be fun.   

We'll see.  Either way, I'll be sure to give a review next week and let you know how I like it.      

Yesterday was a bad food day.  Chips, cookies, cheese, crackers & too big portions.  It was a BBQ.  Temptations everywhere.  I didn't go in prepared.  I casually told myself I'd "be good".  But then everyone started filling their plates and I followed suit.

I know what I should have done.  I should have eaten before I went.  At least a snack.  I went hungry.  I should have brought a healthy alternative to share.  I brought steak tips for the grill.  I should have made a small plate and walked away. I planted myself right at the breakfast bar where all the food was and "picked".

This isn't my 1st rodeo.  But sometimes knowing what to do isn't enough.  You need to execute it.  I obviously didn't and I left feeling disappointed in myself.      
And did I track it?  Of course not.  

Now I have 4 days to make up for it.  I can't let myself get back to 200.

#winning

When you pick the fresh fruit when you know you really want the fries.

I made it back you guys!  I'm in ONEderland again!  I officially weigh One-hundred-and-something lbs!

Weighed in at 199.6 lbs.  That's a -2.2 lbs loss.  Nice.

You don't know how happy this makes me.  To be out of the two's feels so amazing.  That 2 as my front number was really messing with my head.  I'd take 199-point-anything over the 200's.
Back when I reached 199lbs before I had Lia, I said that I'd never weigh two-hunded-and-something ever again.  Pregnant or not.  So much for that huh?  So to be back below that number feels great.


It's funny how something like a number can affect your outlook on your own weight loss.  I know I don't look any different this week then I did last week at 201 lbs.  But I feel different.  Not physically, but mentally.  I feel better about myself and in turn I feel like I look better.  Which makes me happier.  Which makes me want to continue to do well. Which makes me want to exercise more.  Which then makes me want to eat healthy.  Which then makes me lose weight.  Snowball effect.  Ever read that book If you give a pig a pancake?  Like that.
  
I've said this before but I'm starting to feel like I have a good grip on this weight loss thing.  I still have over 50 lbs to lose but all of a sudden my goal doesn't seem as far away anymore.  

    

Me at 202 lbs in 2010

Me at 202 lbs in 2012

Other than that goofy face I clearly still make, I think I look a lot less bloated this time around at the same weight.  What do you think?

Yeah, I gained a bunch of weight

And now youtube knows too.

A quick trip to Target for a few things ain't what it used to be.

And no I didn't squish the baby with the water.  I left her safely in the car with the windows up.

#sarcasmpeople

With the warm weather here, the charity walks have started up again. These are def one of my favorite ways to help out a great cause while getting in my exercise. This Sunday it was the NSMC Cancer 5k walk.

  
Adam and I had to get up at the crack of damn to get to it, but it was well worth it. The day couldn't have been more beautiful too. We got lucky b/c the days before and after the walk it stormed out. But it was perfect.  And this was the 1st time Adam did a charity walk with me.

I'm hoping I convince him to do more this summer.

I'm so close.  Close to what you ask?  Oh, just ONEDERLAND!  (((squeal)))

Weighed in at 201.8 lbs.  That's a loss of -3.2 lbs!  Color me thrilled!  

I tried so hard this week you guys.  I can't even tell you how many times I had to keep myself from going back for seconds on things, how many times I skipped dessert or refrained from snacking at night.  How many foods I weighed and measured.  How conscious I was of every bite that I took.  I really paid attention.  I concentrated on my food pretty heavily and it paid off.
I can't say enough how important diet is when it comes to losing weight.  Moving more is definitely part of the equation, and I did make it to the gym twice this week on top of our nightly walks after dinner, but I can say with certainty that it was my food control that helped me lose this week.  And that has always been where I struggle.  I can find the motivation to workout but I have such a hard time with over eating.  I'm a food addict.  It's really that simple.

However, I've changed a little these last few weeks.  My mindset.  I'm ready. Ready to take this weight off.  I struggled for the 1st two months.  I thought I wanted it.  But clearly not enough to really do something about it.  But now I can say with certainty that I'm there.  I want it and I'm gonna get it.

Onederland next week.

Can it be too hot for the beach? Yesterday totally felt like it.  


97°

Legit almost died [drama queen much?].

But on another note: I always feel like I'm losing weight at the beach. Weird right? It's bc I sweat so much. I associate sweating with working out. Which I'm not. I'm actually just sitting under the tent with Lia in the shade. Couldn't be further from working out. Plus I eat a lot while I'm there. Goes with the whole just sitting under the tent thing next to the cooler. So I'm actually probably gaining weight while I'm there. Nice.


Whatev, I still heart the beach.   

Holy heck it's hot here.

Note the time on the bottom.  Yeah, 90° at 10:43 pm last night.  Today's gonna be even hotter.  I can feel myself melting.
So much for going for a nice walk outside.

One of my favorite family things that we do every year is fruit picking.  Strawberry, raspberry, blueberry, apples, etc.  We pick 'em all.  If I had to chose a favorite, it'd be apple picking.  Just b/c of the weather.  Gorgeous Sept.  But if I had to pick a favorite fruit to pick, it'd be strawberries.  And that's what we did this week.

[I spy Adam & Ava in the pink dress and blue shirt on the left]

It was packed [exhibit A: above].  The rest of the week is gonna be a scorcher and strawberry picking is almost over so everyone else had the same idea to go that same day before it got too hot.  But there was an abundance of strawberries [as noted in my 4 full quarts] and I could have filled 20 more if I wanted to spend $100 on strawberries [I think not thankyouverymuch].  It was fun though.

They even had mutant strawberries

That's the Kate Gosselin sextuplet of strawberries right there.  Fancy.

Are you going to start making Youtube videos again?

In short, YES!

I really debated whether or not I wanted to start them up again, and I honestly was leaning towards no.  Before when I made them, I put too much pressure on myself to make them weekly.  Or at least regularly.  And when I didn't, I'd feel bad, stress out about it and feel like I let you guys down.  But the thing is, I like making them. When I have time.  And I know how much I like watching other people's WL videos. I can't tell you how many times I'm gained motivation after a tough day by watching someones WL Youtube videos.  And if I can motivate or inspire someone even just a little bit, well, that in itself is worth making them.  Plus, I like having that video journal to look back on.
        
So, I've decided that instead of commiting to any number of videos per week or month, I'll make them sporadically.  When I'm inspired to make one. When I have something I want to share.  When I feel like rambling.  Whenever the mood strikes. Who knows.  But yeah, I'm gonna start making them again.

When?

Well, in my 1st video I was 202 lbs.  I'm close to that now and I think I look way thinner then I did at the same weight.  So I wanna make the 1st video of this journey at the same weight this time around as a comparison.  I'm 205 lbs now. So 3 more lbs.  Next week?  We'll see.


I'd love to connect with you over there as well.  So sub my channel if you wanna catch up with me there too!

Guess where I went last night?

Yep!  I officially got myself back into the gym.  This is a big deal for me.  It's been forever and it sure as heck felt it.  This is the 1st time I've been since before I had Lia.  And she's 4 months.  And let's just say I didn't go much while I was pregnant.  Or actually at all the 2nd half of my pregnancy [If we're being honest].  So yeah, it's been a while.  

But, if I can keep up this schedule of putting Lia to bed and going from 8pm-9pm, I'll be happy.  It's gonna be tough though.  I'm exhausted by her bedtime [right moms?!] and I'd much rather bunk on the couch most nights.  So I'm gonna start off slow.  I'm committing to two nights a week.  I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but it's realistic.  And that's what I need.  A nice realistic gym schedule to ease into.    

We headed over to the airport to have fathers day lunch at the airport this year.

Huh?

No, we weren't flying off to anywhere [unfortunately] or coming from anywhere. We had lunch on the runway.  Check out the view!

There's this great little cafe at the airport where you can sit outside on the deck and watch the private planes takeoff and land right from the runway.
Pretty cool 'eh?

Yeah the food is mediocre and the waitstaff consists of a bunch of high school kids running around like chickens with their heads cut off, but it's a fun place to have lunch on a nice day.

Plus, they have Mickey pancakes.

That alone keeps us coming back.  

And for the record, I got a wrap but you know I wanted the pancakes.

Finishing up Fathers Day with the love of my life.  The best husband and father us girls could ever ask for.  We're lucky baby.  Love you honey.

Excuse me for a second while I toot my own horn [toot! toot!] but I am so proud of myself.  The temptations were at an all time high this weekend and I managed to fight back my inner fatty and resist.

Kim = 1/Inner Fatty = 0  In yo face!

So, yesterday was the ribfest which is basically a big BBQ cookoff with music, kids jumpy houses, games and fair food.  A good excuse to stuff your face with meat. [get you're mind out of the gutter you little piggy]  I'm talking fall off the bone ribs & pulled pork, must I say more?!

The day was gorg, the place was packed and the food options were making my head spin.

I'll be honest and say that I could have put down a full rack of ribs.  I wanted to. But I didn't.  Instead I went with a pulled pork sandwich and it was out of this world dee-lish.

I was good and didn't eat the bread.  Well, one bite of the saucy soggy part on the bottom but that's it, I swear.  Adam got my ribs and I only took a tiny piece of one. Just for taste.

Which I regretted almost immediately b/c then the I want a full rack or ribs thoughts came back.  But again, I was good.

And then this happened.

Not me.  Ava.  She did give me a big bite though.  And of course, it was amazeballs.  I easily could have put one of those away as well, but I didn't.  And for the 1st time in long time I felt in control again.    

And when we left I wasn't button busting full but I was satisfied.  And I felt good. 

    

Adam came home from work yesterday with these

I know.  I KNOW!

He's starting a new job next week so his ex coworkers sent him off with these at the end of his last day.

Don't they know his wife is trying to unfatten herself and she's weak?

Watching some of my old videos tonight which I never do.  I hate hearing to my voice on camera.  


I miss looking like that.

I miss being at 100 lbs lost.

I miss being excited about working out.

I miss glowing like that.

I miss being so happy.

I miss being so confident.

I miss how tan I was.

I miss how long my hair was.

I miss how BLONDE(!) I was.

I miss all my cute clothes.



(((sigh)))


I have SO much work ahead of me.

Jumping right into things, I'll happily let you know that I'm down -1.2 this week. Pretty freaking happy about that!  No it's not a huge number, but it's one thats going in the right direction.  Slow & steady?  Or in my case, just slow.  Oh whatev.

So, that's -12.2 lbs total and brings me to 205 lbs.  Which means a little over 5 lbs and I'm out of the 200's!  That will be HUGE for me.  Oh Onederland, I miss you dearly.

Last year I was so close to goal.  Mere lbs away.  I was actually in the healthy weight range for my height according to WW which is kinda a big deal considering how far away I was when I first joined [100 lbs to be exact].  I remember saying [I can't even count how many times] that I would never let myself get back into the 200's again.  Even if I was pregnant.  But, obviously, I didn't hold up my end of the bargain and here I am again with a 2 as the first number of my weight.

         

But the 1's are so close, I can taste 'em! [see how everything seems to lead back to eating?  #fatpeopleproblems]

 

Dinner for One

On my own for dinner tonight.  I'd typically order out a salad or pick up something like subway when Adam isn't eating with us but I didn't have any cash on me to order in [I don't do the credit card over the phone thing] and I didn't feel like dragging both the girls out to pick something up.  SO I threw together something quick and easy.  There's really nothing to it, it's quite simple and boring looking but it was really tasty, I swear.

Trader Joe's turkey burger [so good]

Sun dried tomato sandwich thin bread

Laughing cow french onion cheese wedge

Sauteed onions

Sweet baby rays BBQ sauce

Garden salad with goat cheese & good seasons italian dressing

a la 12 POINTS+

  

Ok, so it's only Tuesday, and I don't weigh in until Friday but I'm actually looking forward to weighing in this week!  I think I've felt this way maybe twice (?) since I've re-started this weight loss thing 3 months ago.  You know how when you first start out losing weight you're all gung-ho about it and you typically see a big numer the 1st week and you're doing everything by the book and your excited about it?  I didn't get that this time.  I'm pretty sure it's b/c I re-joined WW at only 3 weeks post partem with Lia and let's face it, life with a 3 week old is craaazay.  So, needless to say I didn't have the time to dive into the plan and give it my 100% this time.

But, I'm at the 3 month mark, Lia is 4 months now and things are starting to settle down.  I'm finding more time to meal plan and I'm able to eat dinner with the family vs sneaking in a small meal here and there in between Lia's naps.  I'm still struggling to get a good workout in but I'm still trying to stay fairly active.  Things are slowly getting back to normal in the Zay household and it feels good.       

Let me start by saying that I apologize for all the woe is me lately.  Although it may come off as me being whiney, I'm simply just trying to keep this blog as real as possible and share what I'm going through as I'm going through it.  If I only shared the good and positive parts of my journey, it wouldn't be real.  B/c let's face it, losing weight is a lot of work.  It has it's struggles and it can be hard at times.  It's not all "I did great this week, I lost this much weight and worked out this many times and ate perfectly all week long."  
B/c if it was that easy all the time, we'd all be skinny.

With that being said, I had a great week and lost -3 lbs!  I needed it.  Not just b/c I need to get this weight off, but b/c it did so much for my mentality towards losing weight and being successful at it.  It sucks feeling like a failure week after week.  As you all obviously know, I've been struggling.  So to see a loss this week, well, it really helped my head.

Hey, maybe I'm actually starting to find my groove again?         

Monday's are the universal reboot.  When you can hit refresh and start from scratch.  New week, new you right?  No looking back.

I've had a lot of those Monday's lately.  Monday's that I am thankful for.  Thankful that I can start over and not dwell on my previous week's eating.  Thankful that I have 4 days to make up for the previous weeks weigh in and lose some weight.
 
I didn't weigh in this week.  We had Ava's preschool graduation on Friday [which was beyond adorable btw] and even though I could have weighed in Sat am, I didn't.  B/c I knew I didn't lose weight and I didn't want to face the scale.  Coward.

When I was attending meetings before Lia was born, I had never missed a weigh in.  I'd make sure I'd squeeze it in one way or another whether or not I was expecting a gain or a loss.  This time, I'm having a hard time with it.  My motivation isn't where it should be.  I'm struggling so bad this time you guys.  I really want it. Well, I think I do.  Do I?  I mean, if I did, wouldn't I go all Nike on it and Just do it?  

sigh

"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."
"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels."

And I keep repeating that in my head over and over and over again.      

#lunchontherun

Things that make me happy

• Ava graduating preschool.  My 1st baby girl is getting so big so fast [this makes me sad too though].  Did I mention she got her ears pierced last weekend(!)
• The new outlet mall opening 10 mins from my house in 2 weeks [hello! Bloomingdale, Coach, Gap, Lucky, Michael Kors, Nike, Under Armour, Puma, Saks.  swoon]
• My brown hair.  It was a pretty drastic change from the blonde but I'm finally getting used to it.
• How Lia sucks her bottom lip.  Holy adorable!
• The 50 shades of grey trilogy.  Mom porn!
• My Ninja blender and the fruit "ice cream" I've been making every night with it.  Ah-mazing! [more on this later].
• All my new pink under armour stuff.  I went a little bananas at the mall this week.
• Jello mousse temptations with 2 tbs lite cool whip.  Obsessed
• Cirque du solei on Sat.  Although I'm a little anxiety ridden about leaving Lia.
• Skinnytaste  One of my favorite blogs for delicious low fat recipes.  Plus, she includes all the NI and the WW points+.  Score!  

Seriously, who commits to restarting a weight loss plan at the start of a long holiday weekend?

[waves hand over head jumping up and down] That'd be me.



Let's just say, I hope your weekend in food went better than mine.  I'm re-starting tomorrow.  I swear.

Let me start off by saying I thought for sure I'd gain this week.  I was a lazy tracker.
And by lazy I mean I didn't track one.single.thing I put in my mouth this week.  And even though I tried to make good food decisions [story of my life], I didn't weigh or measure anything and for me, that typically leads to a gain.  So when I lost .4 I was cool with it.  Yeah, it's a sucky loss.  Pretty much nothing, but whatevs, it's not a gain.  I guess that's good right?  (((sigh)))

I'm gonna be honest here and let you all know that I haven't been trying to lose weight.  What the what???  I know.  Let me explain.  I wanna lose weight, obvs, but I haven't been trying.  B/c if I was, I'd be losing.  I've been half assing it.  I've been doing the minimum.  Just enough to get by and not gain.  Sure, I've been walking during the week but that's just to make up for the amount of food I've been consuming.  It's hard this time you guys.  Real hard.  Here's what it comes down to:

Trying to lose weight when you have a newborn sucks.

I'm not going to give you all the excuses as to why b/c that's just what they are, they're excuses.  And I'm sure you can figure it out anyway, especially all you other moms out there.  But yeah, it's tough.

Today I am committing to losing weight.  I'm not just going to try, I'm going to do it.
B/c we all deserve it.  Me. Ava & Lia. Adam.  I deserve to be happy & healthy.
They deserve a happy healthy mom & wife.  So I'm going to do it.
And it's worth it, the hard work.  It's worth every walk, all the tedious food measuring, the tracking, you name it.  It's all worth it.
I should know, I've already been there.
        

Didn't weigh in last week.  School for Ava & an unplanned Dr's visit for Lia kept me from going [I swear those aren't just excuses. Maybe.].  I'm feeling super guilty about it.  For reals.

And then my Fri, Sat & Sun in food looked like this: Chipolte, Subway, Lobster roll, ice cream, pizza, steak tips.  This week's WI should be a blast.

However, the weekend was gorgeous & we spent it together outside eating all that sh*t deliciousness.

For instance, we had said Lobster roll & ice cream here:

a la picnic on the beach

And said pizza here:

On the waterfont in Boston

And I tried to keep my postions reasonable.  And I've still been walking a few times this week.  And I've been good since Monday.  And, And, And, And.  

And I hope I don't gain this week b/c that would suck. 

I wonder how big Target is?  Like how many sq ft is it?  I ask b/c today I used mine to get my cardio in.  Say wha?   

I don’t know how the weather is where you live, but here in New Hampshire, it’s been rainy off and on for weeks.  Rainy, muggy and miserable.  And when you have a 3 month old that’s too young to drop at the gym daycare and walking is your primary source of exercise, well, that means you’ve got to get creative.

Some of you know from facebook that on occasion I like to race the 80 year olds power walking the mall.  Those folks think they’re so fast with their black shoes velcrowed nice and tight.  But I gotchu gramps.  AND your wife.  But as with most things, I got tired of the mall so I decided to hit up Target instead.

And so there I was, 9 am zig zagging up and down every aisle Target has.  Both floors.  I hit just about every square inch of that store, minus the small sections in clothing that my BOB wouldn’t fit though.  I must have had about 20 different employees ask me if I need help finding something.  Surely I must have, I mean, look at me, I was going up and down every aisle clearly looking for something right?  I can imagine what security was thinking when they were watching me on camera.  Crazy mom.  I also picked up a few bargains along the way.  2 pairs of shoes for $8.98 each & a skirt and shirt for lia for less than $5.00 total.  I did have to walk longer than my usual 1 hr just b/c I stopped to look at things a few times, but at the end of my 2 hours, I was actually sweating and I was happy that I didn’t let the weather keep me from getting a little cardio in.

Last year at this time, I was hitting the gym 3-5 days a week.  Now, that’s just not possible with a new baby.  And I know there are people out there who can’t get to the gym either, whether it’s due to scheduling, finances or children.  And that’s the point of this post.  You don’t need a gym membership to workout and lose weight. Get moving, go for a walk, run around with your kids, go rollerblading, running, biking.  Walk Target.  Get creative.    

I think I'm moving

Blogs that is.  I'm thinking of switching over to tumblr.  I like that there is more of a community over there vs here at blogger.  Anyone have a tumblr blog?  How do you like it?  What about wordpress?  Any suggestions?  Pros or cons of tumblr?  Or should I just stay here?  Thoughts?

My view while skating the rail trail

[click to enlarge it's worth it]

Gorg!

Ever go to a party thinking the dress code was one way only come to find out it was actually the other?  That was us this weekend.  We were that couple.  The underdressed.  Yeah.  
So, we went to a 25th anniversary party on Saturday thinking it was a casual affair and come to find out we were wrong.  Like way wrong.  Like, most people were dressed like they were at the actual wedding that happened 25 years ago wrong.  We were in jeans, they were in dresses & ties.  Wrong.  Holy embarrassing!  Talk about feeling uncomfortable.  I already hate the way all my clothes fit since having Lia and then on top of that we're underdressed?  [Cue me wanting to crawl under the fancy table cloth and hide.]
The good news is that we only knew one other couple other than anniversary couple and will most likely never see any of those people again [If I can help it].


But thankfully my Sunday was much better.  I got spoiled with breakfast in bed [egg beater omelette! Go Adam!], some new bling for my Pandora bracelet and a "voucher" for me to pick out new rollerblades.  We went out to lunch [pizza], mulled around on the beach, got ice cream, had a little popcorn, [I know guys, I was bad, but it was mothers day, geesh] and the girls and I planted our annual mothers day flowers out front.  I'm a lucky Mommy!


As for the new rollerblades, I went last Friday with my old jalopies and spent the entire weekend with my feet on fire.  

I had a blast though and now I'm dying to go again.  But my feet seriously could not take the another day of that abuse.  Back in my rollerblading hay-day I actually used to be pretty good.  I'd race & set my orange cones up and weave in and out backwards.  But those babies gotta be at least 10 years old.  Seriously worn.  And they're Mens.  They hurt.    
At the time, those were some of the best skates.  I didn't care that they were mens; they were fast and comfy and I loved them for many years.  But now the wheels are all jacked up and the boots kill.  So, I maybe kinda sorta hinted that I wanted new ones.  Now I just gotta go pick 'em out.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the weatherman is a big fat liar and it's not gonna rain all week so I can try them out once I do.

I strongly believe that successful weight loss is achieved by following a 70/30 rule.  70% emphasis on diet and 30% on exercise.  Now, I don't know if that's an official "rule" per say, but it's what works for me.

Take this week for example.  I walked for an hour 3x's this week on top of 3 casual 1/2 hr walks after dinner with the fam.  And when I weighed in this morning, I gained +0.6 lbs.
Why?
B/c I ate too much.  My food choices were good, but my portions were not.  So, even though I was walking my arse off, I slacked on the food side and the scale reflected that.

What sucks is not that I gained, well, that kinda sucks, I mean hello, I'm trying to lose weight, but I'm not really concerned with .6, the sucky part is that even though any exercise is good for your health, it was essentially pointless when it comes to the effort of losing weight.  That's annoying.

Eat less + move more = lose weight

And I know all of this.  And I'm working on it.  And sometimes it's hard to practice what you preach.

The good news is that I shaved 5 mins off my 5k rail trail yesterday.


The bad news is that's what a hysterical infant in a jogger will do for you.




#Imissthegym

File under: That time back when I was 5 and hung out with Jack Nicholson.


[yes I'm the pissed off little boy in the overalls]

Friday Weigh In

If you asked me to classify this week as far as diet & exercise goes I'd say it was eh.  I wasn't spot on with my food intake.  Not even close actually. Def could have had a little less on my dinner plates this week, didn't really need that Starbucks on Monday, and certainly didn't need that heaven in a cup peanut butter soft serve on Tuesday [that one was worth it though!].
The rain cramped my style with walking this week and I only got out twice.  So not great but not awful either I guess.
And before I weighed in this am, I wasn't sure how the scale was gonna feel about my week either.  But that adorable sweet precious little scale was good to me this am.  Down -3 lbs

Current weight: 209 lbs
Total loss: -8.2 lbs
Only a bunch more to go.



Oh yeah and lookie there, I'm brunette again!

That's my view 3 days a week while Ava's in school.  The rail trail.  Isn't it beautiful?  Such a peaceful walking spot.  And it's nice b/c I go so early that there typically aren't many people walking it yet [which reminds me, I need to get me some pepper spray].  Creepers.

 

Warrior Dash 2011 Recap

In the last post before my hiatus I mentioned having the Warrior Dash coming up. But since I abandoned this place, I didn't get a chance to let you all know how it went and since it was pretty awesome, I figured it was worth the late recap.

Leading up to it, I was excited but super super nervous.  You see, I was 6 weeks pregnant at the time and my energy level was at an all time low [Mom's out there, you know what i'm talking about.  Hello 1st trimester exhaustion!].  I of course was concerned about doing it being pregnant and all but my Dr assured me it was fine since it was still so early and to continue my current workout schedule.  But to be honest, the day I found out I was pregnant, all motivation went out the window.  Being pregnant consumed my me.  And I don't just mean physically.  My every waking moment was spent reading and researching pregnancy.  Re-familiarizing myself with what happens at what stage, etc.  Tracking food and making time to workout was no longer a priority.  And slowly my running stamina started to diminish.  And yeah that was totally frustrating and depressing.  Heck, I had just run my 1st 5k two months prior and my level of fitness had never been better.  But even so, I was still committed to doing the dash.  I had already signed up and we had a pretty good group of us doing it.  So when the day came, I psyched myself up and was ready to rock it.

And we did.  

Excited and nice and clean before the start of the race

A minute in and not so nice and clean anymore. It poured the entire day before the race which made the course even muddier than planned.  It was impossible to run

 

Most of the obstacles were kinda lame.  Not gonna lie though, this picture kinda makes me feel like a badass

We were literally up to our knees in mud

1 hr 5 mins later & I was finished

After with our medals and warrior hats.  Everyone celebrated with huge mugs of beer.  Except me.

With some of our crew. See what I mean with the mugs

My favorite sneaks. I knew they were gonna get ruined and these had a hole in them [from months hardcore working out thatsrightbitches!] but I couldn't part with them and brought them home to see if I could salvage them

However, most of the other folks tossed theirs

I opted out of the fire hose blast [seriously, it was a real fire hose!] they offered to get clean and rinsed with the gallon of water we brought.  You have no idea how good it felt to wash up and change into clean clothes

And that was that. 

So yeah, it was pretty awesome.  I felt great afterwards.  Pumped.  Accomplished.  Proud.  Still dirty.  

Now we're looking forward to doing it again this year.  I've got until September to get my ass in gear.  And this time I'll be under and hour.