Wednesday, July 18, 2012

So, this is pretty embarrassing for me and I debated even sharing it with you guys. But, since I like to keep it real around here, I figured, what the heck.

Yesterday I ate an entire tub of cool whip, straight out of the tub. AND between Mon & Tuesday, an entire BIG container of TJ's Hummus with lots of different crackers, pretzel sticks & rice cakes as dippers. Like handfuls and handfuls. Plus a few spoonfuls of just peanut butter from the jar.
Now some of you may be thinking I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it actually is.  And then there's probably some of you that are disgusted. Either way, I'm ashamed and disappointed in myself. Yes, it could have been worse.  It could have been the entire jar of peanut butter [that was next], or the entire box of pasta, but the fact that it was an entire jar, box, bag or tub of anything is the problem. And the only reason it wasn't something "worse" [doritos anyone?] is b/c for the most part, I don't keep foods in the house that I'm likely to go to town on.

Binge eating has always been an issue for me. I haven't really touched on it on here very much but it's definitely something I've struggled with for years. I'm a long time member of the clean plate club. Still am. But now I've just learned to put less on my plate. I can remember binges as a kid. Eating an entire bag of fritos dipped in an entire tub of pub cheese. Loads of mayo on everything. Always eating until there was no more left or until I felt sick. Usually both.

And the trigger foods. I have many. Peanut butter, chocolate, cool whip [now], trail mix, & mayo are the most recent ones. And by most recent I mean ones that I typically keep in the house. It's tough, if it were just me, I wouldn't buy them. But it's not. I have a family who likes mayo on their sandwiches, an occasional handful of trail mix and kids that enjoy PB&J sandwiches. So I try the everything in moderation route but it doesn't always work. Clearly.

Why can't I just control myself? Why do I need to eat in excess? Why isn't the correct portion size enough for me? Why am I a food addict?
It's obviously something I'll deal with for the rest of my life. And I am. And I don't let this happen to often, so I think I'm doing fairly well with it. The most important part is to not let it snowball into days/weeks/months of binges like it has in the past. I'm over that. I'm good to just "start fresh" and look at today as "a new day". And that's what I'm doing.

Today I feel good. In control, whereas yesterday I didn't. Today is my new day. Hope yours is good too!


1 comment:

Desha said...

I understand completely! I have done so well this week, and then had to have chdder and sour cream chips in my pantry. That was me, almost the whole bag (only reason I didn't was because I shared with the kids!). I have struggled with food addiction, and it's awful because of the shame I feel when I mess up. I don't know if it's ever something I won't have to struggle with or make myself not buy and eat the whole bag of double stuffed oreos. I'm there too, and I just have to vow to make today better than yesterday. We can do it!